Your Relationship Isn’t the Problem—But It’s Pointing You Somewhere Important

The quality of our lives is shaped by the quality of our relationships. Intimate partnerships stir up our deepest longings and our oldest wounds. Nothing affects us more profoundly. When connection breaks down, when the same argument plays on repeat, or you feel like you’ve lost each other, it can feel like everything is falling apart. And yet, what if the pain in your relationship isn’t a sign of failure, but a sign pointing you toward healing?

In my work, I help people look beneath the surface of relationship struggles, beneath the blame, the shutdown, the silence or intensity, and connect with the parts of themselves that carry pain, fear, shame, and unmet longing. Most of us unconsciously look to our partner to redeem us from those inner burdens. We embark on what Dr. Richard Schwartz calls one of the “three projects”: trying to change our partner, trying to change ourselves to please them, or giving up entirely. But none of these bring lasting intimacy. They only exile more of who we are.

Using Internal Family Systems (IFS), I help you turn inward instead: toward the parts of you that are crying out for love, protection, or validation. And here’s the surprising truth: when you become the one who can care for those parts, your relationship starts to transform, your partner no longer has to be your redeemer, and you’re no longer stuck trying to manage or control the relationship in order to feel okay inside. From that place, what Dick Schwartz calls courageous love becomes possible - the kind of love that doesn’t depend on perfection or closeness at all costs, but emerges naturally when you can stay anchored in your Self, even when things get hard.

Therapy won’t give you scripts or quick fixes. But it will offer something more lasting: a deeper relationship with yourself. From that place, you’ll be able to show up in your partnership with more clarity, openness, and steadiness and therefore give your partner the opportunity to do the same. You’ll be able to speak for your pain instead of from it. You’ll stop waiting for someone else to save you—and in doing so, you’ll make true connection possible again.